2010

I really can't believe it's August already. I haven't put up a blog in almost a yearand figured it was time to test the waters again.
2010 has been a rough year for me so far, it's getting better but it has been rough. A lot of big things have happened.
Robert's grandmother passed away in February. That was difficult to deal with in and of itself but we got through it. Then Anna passed away suddenly. I can't put into words the level of pain in the Perry's house that day. I would not wish it on anyone. Losing her so suddenly was... I don't really know a word for it. I don't go shopping and see a pink shirt without thinking of Anna. I see a black dog that looks like her dog Mia and all I can think of is Anna walking Mia with her Vera Bradley leash. I had a customer a few weeks ago that looked eerily like her and I couldn't catch my breath.
I cannot fathom how Bonnie and Ken feel. I did not leave Robert's side for the entire week after she left us so I have an inkling of what he has been feeling. We've sat side by side drinking a bottle of merlot talking and crying about her.
I'm angry. I don't really understand why someone as beautiful and as sweet as she was had to be so sick. I know she is much better off now and that she never has to get poked and prodded by doctor's and nurses again. But she never had a chance to be a mother, to see Robert drive his new car he loves so much, to finish her degree, to do so many things she would have loved.
So, now, because of Anna, I feel like I can't leave anything undone. I can't keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks right now for writing her name. I want to finish school because she was unable to. I want to do something I love with the rest of my life and find love and have a family. I want to eat the most amazing foods and learn to cook them. I want to never have another margarita that doesn't taste the way she made them.
I remember the first thing Anna said when she met me, "Wow Robert, she's pretty and she has brains, I'm proud of you!" I fell in love with her instantly.
After Anna, Robert and I split up. The absolute most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. The only thing to say about this is, sometimes loving someone isn't enough to make things work and I don't regret a thing.
Now, I've moved back in with mom and dad after being on my own for a year and a half. Being home is definitely strange after being so independent, but I'm enjoying it.
I'm single. For the first time, in a long time. And I'm enjoying this, too. It's liberating. I've met and gone out with some really great people. Everyone you meet opens your eyes up a little bit.
So now my focus is this.... take some classes, work and work and work and learn everything I can about my industry, hear incredible music by talented musicians, eat and drink amazing food, and don't push love. Jenn keeps telling me that I'm going to meet "the one" when I'm not expecting it. I'm not in a rush. She says I will be out somewhere laughing and having fun and not thinking about anything at all and it will just happen. We'll see, Jenn!
I've learnd three very important things-be able to laugh at yourself, learn to love yourself, and be open minded to new people, I've been so surprised lately by the people I've met.

There are my ramblings on 2010... now off to the pool!